1. Someone who can advise me on computer technology for some rather vague plot twists I considering for my Edgy Mama mystery novel. Al, you might just be my man?
2. Suzanne Somers in my living room for 30 minutes every day to make me abdocize (that’s what she does to tighten those abs, right?).
3. Some more Cortisone cream for the weird rash that I have on the back of one leg and somewhere else on the back of my bod.
4. A really good kid sitter who can work on week nights.
5. To stop eating Valentine’s candy because it’s taunting me from the kitchen. What, you didn’t know that chocolate can talk? Try listening.
6. A new toaster oven. Word to the wise: if you put potato chips in a toaster oven to crisp them up, they will spontaneously combust and send foot-high oily orange flames shooting out of the oven door. And throwing the pan of flaming chips into the sink is an okay idea. Unless you have dried herbs hanging over the sink that can also catch on fire when you dowse the flames with water and they respond by shooting even higher before sizzling to death.
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I think I need the exact same list. Except, I just need a sounding board for some novel ideas, the weird rash is just hives because I am swamped right now, and it’s my microwave that I keep blowing up!
That’s why I don’t cook. Not even in my toaster oven. Much too dangerous.
Crisping up chips? I’ve never heard of this, I thought they were already crisp? I’m visually seeing the fire and smelling the “herbs” (read Mary Jane)and thinking that Edgy Mama is becoming edgier by the minute.
Oh my goodness, your potato chip and herb fire sounds rather dramatic! I need my own personal Suzanne Somers to get me motivated, too.
suzanne sommers is the Thighmaster, of course. you need somebody else for flabby abs.
speaking of exercise, major league baseball’s pitchers and catchers reported to training camp today. bring on the baseball!
watching other people exercise counts, doesn’t it?
EM:
Microsoft Certified Systems Administrator at your service.
Also have potential leads on a conveniently located North Asheville Baby Sitter (NABS).
I quite like our Krupps convection/toaster oven, which we use about a billion times per day.
JA
JA,
I should have thought of you! I’ll be touch re: NABS.
Yeah, how did people feed kids without toaster ovens?
I really didn’t mean to put the potato chips in there. They were just mixed with the leftover chicken fingers from Asheville Pizza, and I didn’t realize that a few soggy chips could be so combustible!
Hives, maybe I have hives, Michelle? I used to get them a lot when I was a kid, but they used to like disfigure my face for two days. This is all on just the back side of my bod.
Welcome, Kate!
Okay, Ash, Suzanne was the thigh master, was she? My thighs aren’t too bad. At least from the front. But, no, I don’t think watching other people exercise counts. If it did, America would be soooooo much healthier!
I’m feeling jealous about the possibility of having my coveted position of I.T. Adviser to the Stars usurped by some…some…Microsoft nerd.
1.I’ll be happy to help you with all your computer needs - I’m such a computer wiz.
2. Throw the chips away and just buy new ones.
3. Throw thw candy away and don’t buy new.
4. Don’t replace the toaster oven.
5. Invest in the amazing ablounger - I love mine!
Libs
S.C.,
Said Microsoft nerd also can do Novell, Mac, Linux, as well as a great number of other fun and invigorating things. Changing diapers with one hand, for instance.
As luck would have it, said nerd also has achieved a relatively blissful degree of professional sloth, so your overall reign as IT guru to the truly Edgy likely remains seriously unchallenged.
EM, I misspoke myself earlier about toaster ovens. I said that we loved our KRUPP oven, when in fact we actually love a CUISINART. Sincere apologies for any cash you may have dropped on the false rec.
We did try a Krupp for a week or so and concluded that it was just a lump of post-Nazi Krapp.
We may see our NAB on Wednesday. She will come over to stay with spouse and spawn while I fetch our new North Asheville Poodle from the breeder in Tennessee. I will query about her general availability and let you know off-channel what she says.
Cheers.
JA
Boys, boys, you can BOTH help me out, kay?
JA, I think I found a sitter last night at DILO. But another name and number is ALWAYS welcome!
You’re buying a poodle?
I’m ready anytime you are Edgy!
Ya- I need to abdocize, too. No longer need the cortisone cream over here- discovered the chocolate was causing the rash after I ran out of chocolate.
Vick,
Do not EVER tell me that chocolate causes rashes. I just DO NOT want to know that!
I’m an excellent babysitter, but the travel money might be a little high, given that you’re across the sea in racoonland and I’m here where we only have possums.