Edgy Mama

This is the “house” drink at the Villa Cofresi in Rincon where we spent three nights. It consists of rum, some evaporated milk, and lots of ice and cinnamon. It is drunk-making and delicious. What makes it work, in part, is the creative serving container of fresh coconut.

Below is one of the bartenders at the beach bar at Villa Cofresi making a Pirata, as the drinks are called. Pirata is the Spanish word for Pirate. I can’t imagine that when the Piratas were raiding the incoming trade ships, stealing goods and murdering deck hands, that they were beloved by the islanders. But now, they are romanticized. We all want a little Pirata attitude, don’t we? And believe me, this drinkee helps. At least it helps some folks. I am a rather mushy, sweet drunk, so I guess I’d make a poor Pirata.

I missed the best photo opportunity, unfortunately, which is when the bartender pulled an actual machete from under the bar, grabbed a fresh coconut, and slashed open the creamy fruit with two or three whacks from the blade. The performance made me nervous. The whole idea of a machete forcefully slamming into the nut as it was held in the non-machete-wielding hand of the bartender was a bit unnerving for this worst case scenario girl.

The next, obvious, shot: Enviro-spouse sucking up some Pirata nectar. Splitting one Pirata concoction between the two of us was ideal for a tipsy slide into dinner. One of the locals told me each Pirata contains about seven ounces of rum. Indeed.

I just found a grain of sand in my bellybutton. There’s probably still some in my heinie crack also. But I won’t check right now. Neither the water pressure nor my hygiene level were particularly strong in Puerto Rico. I was living on the edge, in the…

Spent 14 hours traveling today, so the Puerto Rico tales will have to wait. But here are a few photos for y’all. Warning: you will soon be inundated with sunset shots. What can I say? I spent three out of five nights on the westernmost point of the island. There, sunset is an event. Of the happy rum variety.

Below: what my hair looks like after saltwater dowsing and no blow dryer. Thank the gods for pony tails. If I lived in the tropics for longer than a week, I’d either have to go the dread route or the boy cut.

We found this little MSN poll and thought we might share. This survey comes from the women staffers of Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, O, and Harper’s Bazaar. Ladies, what say you? Do you agree? Disagree? Discuss.
clothes or no clothes?

1. I prefer a man’s legs in:
A. Chinos 6.5%
B. Levi’s 80.6%
C. Suit pants 9.7%
D. Board shorts 3.2%

2. The most flattering color a man can wear is:
A. Blue 41.9%
B. Green 3.2%
C. Pink 12.9%
D. Whatever matches his eyes 35.5%

3. The sexiest thing a man can wear is:
A. A tuxedo 22.6%
B. Rugged jeans and a plain white T-shirt 67.7%
C. Those Marky Mark boxer-briefs 6.5%
D. A pair of tiny Italian swim trunks 3.2%

4. I like it when he smells like:
A. Nothing 58.1%
B. A sweaty fireman 6.5%
C. Citrusy cologne 16%
D. Scotch 19.4%

5. If I could change one thing about my man’s style, it would be:
A. I’d make him spend more than fifteen bucks on a haircut 25.8%
B. I’d teach him the subtleties of wearing or not wearing cologne 3.2%
C. I’d give away his double-pleated pants and buy him flat fronts 35.5%
D. His shoes. Oh, my God, his shoes. 25.8%

6. When I see a guy in sandals, I think:
A. A simple flip-flop will do 61.3%
B. He’s coming nowhere near my uterus 6.5%
C. He has sexy toes. I want to see ‘em. 6.5%
D. Sandals haven’t looked sexy on a man since they were worn by the Son of God 25.7%

7. My favorite thing to borrow from my man is:
A. His worn-out button-down shirt 45.2%
B. His underwear 6.5%
C. His robe 12.9%
D. His State U. sweatshirt 32.3%

8. The most common male fashion crime I witness on a regular basis is:
A. Athletic socks worn with dress shoes 25.8%
B. Pants that are too short 32.3%
C. Grossly miscalculated uses of pattern 12.9%
D. A suit that’s way too big 25.8%

We stopped by the Grove Park Inn on Sunday to check out the awesome gingerbread houses the inn has on display each year. The candy creations did not disappoint. The inn was packed with visiting tourists who were soaking up the holiday spirit. Check ‘em out.

We are a bit of a clean freak. We appreciate any advances made in helping us keep our abode clear of dust and dirt. So when we saw this little invention, we about wet our pants.

This is the Dyson Root 6. Dyson, as you know, makes kick-ass vacuums. The Root 6 is a hand-held vacuum that claims to have twice the suction of competitors. It has a “crevice tool.” It’s lightweight and durable and sports “Root Cyclone technology.”

We don’t know what any of that means. But we do know this Dyson looks cool. Like, really cool. We’d fork over the $150 just to jump around the living room pretending to be an alien hunter or the Terminator with this bad boy. Looking for a cool Christmas giftee? This could be just the ticket.

It’s 15 degrees here in Ashvegas with a wind chill of five. But tomorrow, this Mama will be shedding her down coat and flying South. Way down to the part of our country otherwise know as the colony of Puerto Rico. In PR today, the high was 83. Of course, it’s raining, but…

This trip results from E-spouse’s occasional boondoggle work. This time he was invited to present at a conference at the University of PR. In December. As soon as he told me about this opp, I was calling grandparents and checking our frequent flier miles.

It’s going to take me like 14 hours to get to the U, via car 1, plane 1, plane 2, and car 2. No buses, thank god. And I’ll arrive in the middle of the fricking night. But I won’t have any kidlings with me. Only books and mags as traveling companions. So who cares when I get there?

While I’m gone (a mere five days), Ash might pop by with some entertaining tidbits. Upon my return, I’ll have photos galore, and, I hope, an intriguing story or two.

So, be good, stay warm, and don’t be jealous. Or maybe just a little.

Miscellaneous P.S.: Last night, I drove, in a rather short dress, through snow and ice to get to a holiday party out in the middle of nowhere, N.C. The reason? I was given an “Excellence in Media Coverage” award by Mountain Microenterprise Fund. It’s a bit of a kiss you know where, but I’m thrilled that I’ve made some small biz peeps happy. Guess I’ll stick with the biz writing for a while longer.

It’s snowing here in Ashvegas as I post this. Hurrah to the crazy folks at Environmental Defense who are using YouTube to spread the gospel!

I’m driving the kids back from Atlanta after Turkey day, and we make a pit stop at Mickey D’s for lunch. First off, as always, we run to the potty, and I mean run, because both my boy and I are in dire straits.

There are two stalls; the boy takes one and I take the other. I tell the girl to stand outside the stalls and wait. Because my kids are young, we share a lot, including one very small upstairs bathroom at home, and we often talk about impending bodily functions as we’re running for the loo.

Until I got married, I thought everyone did this, but I realized that it was my crazy family growing up who always said when we were going to the bathroom. I thought it was bad manners to leave a room without telling those in it where I was going. But, it seems that most adults don’t feel the need to say, “I’ve got to go tee-tee now.” My family still does, however. And I’ve inadvertantly trained my kids to do so.

Anyway, while the boy and I are relieving ourselves, I hear someone walk into the bathroom. She says hello to the girl. The girl announces: “You’ll have to wait. My brother and my Mom are on the potty and they’re both pooping.”

I’m slightly horrified, but I laugh and say something inane. The woman gives a nervous titter. But she recovers quickly.

“So, little girl,” she says. “Do you know what your Mom’s credit card number is, too?”

I tell you, the Mom businesses around here are amazing. If you didn’t make it to the North Asheville Preschool craft fair yesterday, go today. I won’t be there, but Restless will be selling CDs and talking trash. She’s a better saleschick than I am, anyway.

So, kudos to Ash who came by and bought some pretty ornaments and to C, Mom and Edgy bloggie reader, who said she’s been reading us for a year and finally got the nerve yesterday to give me some fangirl luv. C, are you “a loyal reader”? Still trying to figure out who that is.

So I bought lots of cool hand-made giftees, but my favorite purchase was for me. Here it is. How freakin’ cool is that?