Edgy Mama

Fricking beautiful today in the Western North Carolina mountains. Clear, sunny, cool. High of 70, low of 50. Damn, I adore Fall.

When I lived in Aspen, Colorado, I had a part-time gig reading the news for the podunk local TV station. No teleprompter, just me and various paragraphs I’d cribbed from the local newspapers, plus a bunch of press releases for the community calendar portion of the program. Me, talking to the camera for 20 straight minutes. Trying to decipher scribbles that the station manager had written on my ripped-up, coffee-stained sheets of paper. Trying to pretend I’d actually read some of the news content before that very minute. Trying not to trip over my own tongue, because the SM, who was also the cameraman, got pissed if he had to start over. Because, while I wasn’t live, there was no time to edit before the 5:00 news was aired. The same show was repeated four times throughout the evening. Me. Just me. Sitting there. Trying to remember to look at the camera, even though I had no teleprompter. Did I mention that already?

The amazing part was that most people tuned in to the Roaring Fork News for the weather. Which, in the year that I read it, never varied. In the winter, it was sunny and cold or snowing and cold. In the summer, it was sunny and cool or raining and cold. Mostly, it was just sunny. All the time. None of this heavy gray cloud cover that feels like God’s thrown a mildewed blanket over the treetops. None of the everlasting drizzle interspered with floodworthy downpours. Just sun. And precipitation. Why watch the news for that?

But they did. I was a local celeb of sorts, although not as popular as the dudes who ran the ski lifts. But it was a learning experience. I learned how to talk to the camera as if it were a person. I learned to paraphase quickly and concisely. And I learned that the weather, in the Rocky Mountains, is the best.

I’m in a quizzo mood this week. And this one is perfect. I was born in the year of the dragon and have always considered this beastie to be one of my totem critters. One of the main characters in my fantasy novel is a dragon named Regin. Not that that tale is ever going to see the light. Maybe.

You Are a Dragon

You are very charismatic and incredibly popular. People are drawn to your energy, but you are a very difficult person to get to know. You are very active - you are usually hard at work or play. You enjoy drama, and you enjoy anything unusual or eccentric.

My boy is attending Pre-K this year (he just turned five, so we decided to give him another year of social/emotional growth before shoving him into Kindergarten).

A couple days ago, I got a letter home from his teachers about the curriculum unit they’re currently working on.

After reading the lesson description, I realized that lots of people I know need to go back to Pre-K. In particular, the person whom I can’t yet vent about.

The primary lessons that my son will be learning are divided into three areas:

1. Empathy Training
Children learn to:
identify feelings (happy, sad, mad, scared…)
predict how other people feel (reading faces, body language)
show others they care (by responding to others’ feelings)

2. Impulse Control
Children learn to:
solve problems
perform social skills (sharing, taking turns…)

3. Anger Management
Children learn to:
calm down
redirect their feelings in more positive ways.

The accompanying worksheet has little drawings of faces expressing a variety of emotions. I think I need to carry this around with me for comparison purposes. Is she surprised or afraid? Hmmmmmm. Let’s hold up our cheat sheet next to her face. Surprised!

Seriously, though, I’m thrilled that this is being taught, and I don’t think it should stop after Pre-K.

Think of how nice the world would be if we could all be more empathetic and just calm on down.

P.S. Today is Ashvegas’ birthday. Go to his bloggie and wish him a good one (then scroll down to see his photos of half-nekkid dancing girls while you’re there).

…don’t expect me to be cordial to you. I won’t be downright nasty, but don’t expect me to be happy to see you. Or touch you. Okay, maybe I’d touch you with my car bumper. Accidently, of course. Then I’d think: “Oh no, did I just hit a opposum? Or was that a large rat?”

I can’t give y’all the dirty details. Yet. But I will. Once papers are signed and finalized. Then the rant will begin. And it’s gonna be juicy and memorable. Downright succulent, even.

In other news, my girl came home from “The Battle of Athens” Tae Kwon Do tournament with a trophy that’s as tall as she is and a medal so heavy that you could knock someone out with it. She did good, as we say down here. Elated and exhausted would be the best way to describe both her and her Mom at the moment.

I’ve been neglecting you, dear Internetties, but I feel I must have something interesting to say if I’m going to throw it out into the ether.

I mean, there are tons of bloggers out there, God bless ‘em, who drivel on about their laundry and their snotty kidlings and their sex lives (okay, maybe that last part is interesting–sometimes), but I try, o I try, to be consistently entertaining and witty. Alas, I often fail, but every once in a while, a gem emerges from this rough-cut stone.

So, now that I’m done being dramatic and hyperbolic (for the time being), I’m going to throw out some of random ideas for your succulence (no, I don’t think that’s a word, but it should be). Am I crazy or do any of these have merit? Please, discuss.

1. I’m considering starting a fanblog devoted to garlic. Actually, I have registered it with Blogger. It’s called The Great God Garlic. But I haven’t written anything yet.

2. I’m considering trashing my second novel because I can’t be bothered to revise it.

3. I want to start a new novel based on a sexy little party game that goes BAAAADDDDD. I actually started writing this a couple years ago, but I started to dislike the protagonist, and trust me, you do NOT want to spend two years of your life sharing a toothbrush with someone you hate.

4. I think every surburban neighborhood should have a wild turkey rafter. I’m with Ben Franklin on this one. Turkeys are noble creatures. And my personal weed-killer, Rob the hawt yard dude, told me this morning that turkeys have incredible eyesight. Who knew?

…is the name of a local pest management service who left their card on my doorstep today. Does everyone in town read my blog?

In other news, my girl received her orange belt in Tae Kwon Doe tonight. Needless to say, she kicks some heinie. Last week she broke a freaking wooden board with her fist. So, don’t any of you try to mess with me. I have pro-tek-shun.

While I was quietly sitting watching her practice, the boy was sitting in my lap. Suddenly, he turned, looked deep into my eyes, and said: “I wish I would have a Mommy who was nice to me forever.”

No clue where that came from, but it totally cracked me up. I was crying from laughing so hard. Which he did NOT find amusing.

Ah, kids.

And for your viewing pleasure: a photo I took yesterday at the Hendersonville Apple Festival Parade of a bad-ass Harley dude with a passel of kids advertising the Toy Run, which I believe is a pre-holiday event where all the Harley dudes and dudettes collect and deliver toys for those without. Ride on, Longhorn!