Edgy Mama

Yesterday, the effervescent Brainshrub, political blogger extraordinaire, interviewed me for a demo for a radio show that will feature bloggers talking about, well, blogging. Listen to the interview, if you dare, here. I’m scared to listen to it myself.

In other news, Roscuro has proved to be Superrat. For four nights, he has successfully evaded the Bucket of Death. And last night, he ripped out the steel wool we’d stuffed around his entry point, despite the fact that rats supposedly won’t chew through the stuff. He then avoided the huge rat trap directly below the pipe. Maybe he doesn’t like peanut butter? Tonight we’ll up the ante by loading the traps with pb and cheese. Damn him.

UPDATE: Roscuro succumbed. To the old-fashioned technology of the rat trap. E-spouse swears it was because of his trap placement. I think it was because I stuck an irresistable smidgen of cheese on the peanut butter. Regardless, he is dead. Hurray! E-spouse disposed up him before I got up, so I don’t have any photographic evidence, but the kids say he was quite a handsome rat, even dead. Sorry Ptaak, it seems the BOD was not enough for Superrat.

BTW, have you heard about leet? I use leetspeak a lot, though I didn’t realize there was a name for what’s basically a language arising from computer-used acronyms. I don’t use it to the extent that teens supposedly do. Remember valley talk? Leet is a kind of computer valley talk.

From Wikipedia:

Leet (or 1337) is a linguistic phenomenon associated with the underground culture centered on telecommunications, manifested primarily on the Internet. For the purposes of this text, leet is defined as the corruption or modification of written text. For example, the term “leet” itself is often written “l33t”, “1337″. Such corruptions are frequently referred to as “Leetspeak” or “13375p34k,” et cetera. In addition to corruption of standard language, new colloquialisms have been added to the parlance. It is also important to note that Leet itself is not solely based upon one language or character set. In fact, Greek, Russian, Chinese, and other languages have been subjected to the Leet “cipher”. As such, while it may be referred to as a “cipher”, a “dialect”, or a “language”, Leet does not fit squarely into any of these categories.

From the site called netlingo, a list of the top 20 most popular leet terms for teenagers:
1. POS - Parent Over Shoulder
2. PIR - Parent In Room
3. P911 - Parent Alert
4. PAW - Parents Are Watching
5. PAL - Parents Are Listening
6. ASL - Age/Sex/Location
7. MorF - Male or Female
8. SorG - Straight or Gay
9. LMIRL - Let’s Meet In Real Life
10. KPC - Keeping Parents Clueless
11. TDTM - Talk Dirty To Me
12. IWSN - I Want Sex Now
13. NIFOC - Nude In Front Of Computer
14. GYPO - Get Your Pants Off
15. ADR - Address
16. WYCM - Will You Call Me?
17. KFY - Kiss For You
18. MOOS - Member(s) Of the Opposite Sex
19. MOSS or MOTSS - Member(s) Of The Same Sex
20.NALOPKT - Not A Lot Of People Know That

Here is a complete listing of Acronyms and Text Messaging Shorthand.

Who knew? I thought WTF would be on the list. But, perhaps I’m just an old-fashioned. I particularly like number 13. My laptop is typically on my desk in front of our large living room windows or with me at a coffee shop, so I’ve never had to occasion to be nude in front of my computer. But I’d like to know if you are.

1. If you love someone, they can spit up, vomit, poop, or pee on you, and you still love them.

2. The world is a lot funnier and more fun than I ever realized.

3. Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It’s next to insanity.

4. A good night’s sleep is next to godliness.

5. Nothing is fair, particularly from a child’s point of view.

6. Someone will get sick on every trip, whenever Dad’s out of town, or whenever Mom has an important deadline.

7. The best and most precious artwork doesn’t cost anything.

8. Laundry is the Sisyphean stone of parenthood.

9. Kids equate their moms with food. Whenever my kids see me, they are suddenly starving.

10. Food preparation is half of life. Showing up regularly is the other half.

11. Being on a first name basis with five different doctors does not necessarily mean someone is dying.

12. Bodies of water are evil and scary.

13. Lying and bribery are okay for protection (I’m sure Tony Soprano would agree).

14. Cars are mobile restaurants, bedrooms, playrooms, and movie theaters.

15. Toys procreate when we’re sleeping. Asexually, of course.

16. Touch is an incredible comforter. Hugs really are better than drugs.

17. Motherhood makes you nuts. In a good way.

18. The best way to wake up on Mother’s Day is to have two warm snuggly kids crawl into my bed brandishing a card they made together.

Ptaak’s Bucket of Death. A skull and crossbones is taped on the back.

Top view of the BOD.

Backup. Update tomorrow.

I was going to write a mushy Mother’s Day post, but I’m feeling feisty and unmotherly. In fact, I’m bloodthirsty. I’m ready to murder, yes, murder, another living creature. In cold-blood.

This creature has been, stealthily, under dark of night, sneaking into my posh North Asheville villa and wreaking havoc. The bewhiskered sharp tooth has left his poop under my sink, gnawed holes in my children’s straws, made a nest in my dishrags. He has evaded traps, swiping the peanut butter away with one quick paw just before the jaws snap shut. Last night, after finding no food in his under-sink lair and, once again, evading the proliferating traps, this creature chewed a fricking hole in the outflow pipe running from my dishwasher, creating a huge, wet mess, rife with decomposing rodent poop, under my sink.

Now I’m waiting for the plumber. Who is going to charge us at least $100 to fix the problem. And I’m pissed. I’m going to kill that furry little mf. I’m going to mount his snout on my living room wall.

Watch out, Roscuro, your days are numbered.

(Extra credit and a set of dismembered whiskers if you identify the literary reference).

Notice that I now have blogads in my left sidebar? Yes, I’m hoing myself to pay for this site. Notice I have an ad, sent in by the formidable and wry Ashvegas. Go give him some love. If he gets enough clickovers from me, he might just continue to advertise. Or he might buy me a beer. Either works, really.

There are more adslots available, if you’re interested, though I will not become a total adho and fill my sidebar–unless you’re unusually fun and cute, which you all are, of course.

I may occasionally offer free or reduced incentive ads, for those of you who play and play well. So the ride begins.

Yes, my pretties, I’m BUI. Blogging Under the Influence. I love acronyms, don’t you? In fact, I had planned to write a lovely blog post about leet, but hey, here’s what happened tonight, which in my tipsy state, I seem to think is interesting.

First, I went to my office, otherwise known as the Dripolator Coffee House, and got organized around my paying job, otherwise known as part-time journalism. But I got distracted by some guy who overheard me having a convo on the cell with the local lobster delivery dude (profile to come) and wanted to tell me all about his small biz/website. Then it was time for my second ever belly dancing class.

Can we talk about a workout? I heart belly dancing. It is amazing. It’s all about core strength combined with dance moves and grace (which I am sorely lacking, though I can strut).

After an hour of belly dance, I was pleasantly tired. So, I absconded to my other downtown office, Asheville Brewing Company. There, instead of writing words of wit and humor, I was talked into staying for trivia night. Out of 50 odd questions, I knew the answer to one: “In England, what they refer to an aubergine is what Americans call a ______.” I lived in London for 2 ½ years, so I knew the answer. If you know, tell me in the comments. And you will receive a big virtual kiss. Only if you haven’t Googled it, you cheater. In the process of not knowing any trivia, I drank several glasses of one of the local brews: Looking Glass Gold. It was delish.

So, now I’m back at the Dripo, but they are closed. And I’m typing in the parking lot. Which is rather fun really. And I’ll post this once I get home, because, 1. I know I’ve been dull blog girl this week; 2. the Dripo have turned off their wireless, or it doesn’t work through the huge concrete wall my Edgy Mama van is parked next to; and 3. because I’m tipsy.

I LIKE writing in my van. It’s kind of cool. Although it just took me three tries to find the “v” key. Now I’m going to chug the H2O in the water bottle that I always have in the car, because you never know when your car is going to break down in the desert and you might die of dehydration. Which would suck. Even though I no longer live anywhere near a desert. But I used to. So there.

Okay, water chugged. Altoids chewed up. Ready to drive the two miles home. Safely. Calmly. Listening to “I wanna rock ‘n roll all nite. And party every day.” Because. Just because. Kisses to you all. Love from me. Edgier by the moment. Making wives all over America jealous (that’s Screwy’s line, not mine—just had to throw it in somewhere).

G’night.

I hope the Feebs don’t take my computer away for passing this one on. If you’re offended by anti-Bushisms, don’t click here.

….or how I can afford to blog.

Small business of the week: Sign, sign, who wants a sign? should I have one of those magnetic car signs made that sports my URL?

AND

Katrina refugee gets blown into local funeral homes (she’s their new manager!).