I seem to have hit a chord with women around the world, all of us searching for that elusive essential, the perfect pair of blue jeans. After writing my boutique fantasy, I received many, many comments and e-mails from women, offering advice, empathy, fellowship, and support.
Today, I took one for the team. No, I did not find Jonathan, nor was I offered sparkling wine, but I met Jordan. And I’ll get $10 off my next purchase–and you know there will be one.
Again, on my friend Nancy’s advice (you’ve been forgiven, Nan, for sending me to Goody’s), I went to the maul (sic) and visited a store called Buckles.
Buckles, unfortunately, is a national chain, but Jose, the manager, assured me that there is no child labor involved in the manufacture of their clothes. The store prides itself on individuality in regards to styles and number of items. They only stock three or four of each shirt–a small, medium, and large–so running into someone in your town, wearing your shirt, who is the same size as you, is an impossibility. Thank god.
But, this, baby, was a good, not perfect, but good, blue jean experience. Upon walking into the store, I was immediately approached by the studly Jordan. I explained to him what I wanted, and he pulled a pair of jeans from the shining stack and said, “Why don’t you try these on for size?” I did, and they fit well, although not perfectly.
Appraising my hips, Jordan handed me another pair. Too big. Another. Uhhhh, too low-rise. I touched my toes for him to indicate the high potential for butt crack exposure. Sweetly, he didn’t gag. At least out loud.
After a couple more try-ons, I found a pair that fit beautifully. And looked good from behind, although I neglected to ask Jordan (who conveniently has a second job as a photographer’s assistant) to take a rear shot of me. I’m sure he was greatly relieved after my earlier calisthenics.
My only caveat with the jeans is the “I’ve been working on the farm, and I occasionally beat myself with chains” look. Jordan assured me that pre-abused jeans are in, and that these are hand-frayed (as are my other jeans–but by a four-year-old). At this point, Darius joined us and made a sweet comment about how great the jeans looked on my aging bod.
“Okay,” I said. “Bring me another pair that fit like this, but are darker.”
Thus, I revealed that I came of age in the 80s, when crisp, dark jeans were the rage.
Unfortunately, while Jordan found me another pair of jeans, I spotted a cool brown wool jacket, with unhemmed edges, a big collar, and lots of buttons. Yummy. Also, a pink and orange t-shirt that hit just at the hip while nestling my upper assets to some advantage. Uh-oh, am I getting paid for this story yet? Because I am spending for it. Just taking it for the team, girls.
The two pair of BKE-brand jeans that I bought were more expensive than Levi’s, but less than most designer brands, averaging about $60 per pair. I was happy to pay $20 extra bucks for a good fit and excellent service.
Isn’t Jordan a cutie? His only misstep was describing why the jeans fit so well (something about 56 different styles in the store, blah, blah). He said: “This brand is cut for wider hips and fuller thighs. You have the fuller thighs, but smaller hips.” Hmmmm. My hips aren’t particularly small, so that was sweet, but, Jordan, no woman likes to hear that she has fuller thighs. Even if it’s true.
Yeah, leave out the fuller hips.
It should either be cut for smaller waists, or smaller thighs. None of this “fuller” shit.
Again, I must protest that there is no way in hell that you are over 35…
Every straight guy sooner or later (usually sooner) makes some comment that he has no idea is a big boo-boo! He is a cutie. Haven’t heard of that store, but then again I only get to the Maul when Sonny Boy needs a new pair of skateboard shoes from Pac-Sun.
Did get a new pair of jeans at a boutique recently (now I have two pairs) - they have Boston Terriers embroidered all over them - fits not the best, but couldn’t resist the Bostons. Princess got a pair of hot pink chords with Bostons all over them. Maybe I like that wild puppy more than I have admitted…
You ARE a Fully-Engaged Shopping-Mama, with butt crack demos and all. It makes me wonder what goes on when you’re shopping for intimate apparel.
You are taking me there shopping, once we have a spare $60. Really. Please.
I would so love to have a pair of jeans that fit well. I have two pair that “will do,” but they don’t look good on me. When I weighed like I dunno, 20 lbs less and wore a size 2, I had four pairs that all looked great on me. Now they sit at the back of my closet and taunt me, jeering, laughing! Evil things! Oh well. I guess I need to see if there is a Buckles around here since we’re close to you geographically anyway…and then I need to hoarde up $60!
(except Jordan or another Jordan would definitely tell me I’ve got fuller thighs, fuller ass, and wide hips…the unholy trio!)
AF, you are just too damn cute. If you ever you decide to play for the other team… I’m just sayin. ; )
The maul (lol!)– Yeah, I too caved this week and found myself wandering into the GAP seeking the before mentioned Long and Lean jeans. Alas, they only had size 2 (gee, I wonder why they had so many two’s left??) and so I ended up with the Original Low Riser Flare for “curvy” body types.
Uh, Jordan, sweetie? The word is luscious–luscious thighs.
Glad your denim experience ended positively, AF!! I cannot remember the last time I paid over $30 for jeans. I did buy new from Old Navy last Dec. but I am sure they were not more than $30. Of course, they don’t fit perfectly, but are just fine.
I have never done a butt-crack demo, but I hope there’s a cutie behind me when I do…and could she be available as well? Is that too much to ask?
Can’t wait to view you in the new outfit. The jacket sounds great!!
Di
Alright, Di, makeout queen extraordinaire, glad you figured out the commenting.
And S.C., you are so sweet. You and the Redhead should bop down here in March for my 42nd birthday bash!
Yes, Autumn, I will take you there, as soon as you get your cute heinie down to NC.
Kira, hoard away and get up here–Asheville Mall, baby. Wine downtown first.
Speaking of, when are you coming to visit AD?
Lu, since when do you play for the other team? And girl, know we will have some fun–together, one day.
Rio, know if you wear the jeans with Boston Terriers on them, I will pretend not to know you (kidding, friend! I think…)
Okay, I’m a bit tipsy, so I’m going to stop responding before I say something not PG-13. Like shit, I love you guys.
How dare you drink in front of me!
hey jordan, that is one WIDE-ass pair of jeans you’re holding. you got that farmer thing right. sure those aren’t for the big farmer’s barn-wide wife? yeah, i think you got your clothes piles messed up…
i mean, really - how many yards of denim are we talking here - like 300 or something? i haven’t seen so much blue since the tar heels won the national championship last year.
jordan? Jordan - where’d you go? o, there you are. damn. totally lost you in all that fabric. whew.
O, Ash. You are in sooooo much trouble. For your information, those jeans are a fricking 27, yeah that means 27 inches, around my adorably sexy hips. Don’t forget, friend, PIH.
Well, I have an aunt who lives in Asheville, so we’re always looking for an excuse to head down.
Enjoy that body, AF. Another 15 years and you’ll be fighting off the urge to live in elastic waist pants. The only thing that keeps me fighting the good fight is the quote from a Seinfeld episode where Jerry tells George: Wearing sweat pants is like telling the world you’ve given up.” You and Jordan are both beautiful.
I already have dibs on AF if she starts playing on the other team. I’ve had those dibs for like 30 something years now. if you need girl on girl action NOW you’ll have to “settle” for me.
What I found funniest was picturing what Mr. Salesman was ACTUALLY thinking when AF bent over to touch her toes and exposed that crack of hers!
Something along the lines of “I’d like to get me some o’ THAT!….. I gotta go get Darius..he would want to see this piece of tail!”
anyway,… jeans. I have a pair of Sevens that fits me like a glove. Well, not like a glove because I would need five legs for that instead of two… but you know what I mean. I got mine on Lexington Avenue though, NOT the mall. Also, I don’t drive a minivan. I drive a Maserati.
okay, so I’m lying about the Maserati… but someday when I find my sugardaddy… a sugardaddy who likes to watch hot girl on girl action… then I WILL have a Maserati.. so I might as well put it on the table now.
thess
Hey, EM - I’ll be in Asheville for a couple days and hope to see you. It’s my mom’s 60th and we are giving her a party Sat afternoon. I’m staying with Tracey - and so I’ll pop by, give you some EWs and show you my new jeans!
Work it EM!
The jeans look good, we need a picture of the entire ensemble - the jacket, the shirt, the jeans… I’ll be waiting.
Wait! Wait one second!! Someone else gets you first?
CG and I waited, this past weekend, so we could all play together. Next time, if you not there, we’re not waiting for you - should these rumors of dibs be true!
O, sweet Autumn, one day I will IM you. I keep forgetting to sign in!
T., remember, this is a public blog, unlike your password-protected one that is not available to your Mom, or In-laws, or 15-year-old babysitters, you wild thang.
Girls night will prolly be you, me and Di–so no tupperware or soccer allowed.
D’oh!
sorry about that. I thought you could still garner a PG rating with mild…. ahem. profanity.
thess
EM
I’d like it too, when i guy who hasn’t even been to his senior prom tells me that bum (thighs, hips) looks good in “those” jeans. I guess you stopped at 2, so you’d have an excuse to go back:) In any case, jeans are WAY better than Gouchos and Prairie skirts!
Jordan is a cutie, Mama. I would have been way too shy to engage him in any shopping experience. Thus, my lack of fitted jeans.
I quit reading once i found out that the jeans weren’t made in sweat shops…if it’s not made in a sweat shop I don’t wear it…I have a strict sweat shop only policy, there’s nothing more gradifiying then walking around in a pair of Nikes knowing that some kid in the Philiphenes worked 18 hours for a nickel and some kibble, so that i could look cool and slam dunk like my man Michael Jordan…with only a 200% percent mark up on my feet instead of the 250 mark up I’d get state side…The United States Child Labor laws are killing us…instead of sending the kids off to the coal mine…now we send them to school…tell me people when will the insanity end!!!! Next they’ll tell me that i can’t smoke in a car with the windows rolled up while driving my pregnant wife around…fine mistress…this country and it’s damn rules about bigomy…
Congratulations.
Let the villagers rejoice and hold hands.
Now get those jeans off and get into Autumn’s bed.
Now.
The wife and I like to get their jeans.
Ash seems to think that my putting on those jeans is an invitation to get me out of them.
It’s a tough life.
As your Uncle Alston would say, ” Girl, you got some good junk in your trunk!”
Libs
It is neat when you don’t have to say: “Does this fat make my jeans look too big?”
When I saw the title of this post I had to comment. I am now green with envy that you have a store called Buckles where you can find perfect jeans. As of yet I have NEVER found the perfect pair. I have weird long legs (33 inch inseam people) and every single pair of jeans I own is about an inch too short. Or too long. Gah! Thanks for providing the platform for venting. Perhaps you should start a blog dedicated soley to the purpose of connecting the jeanless with their perfect pair! (I dream, I know)
More photos like that second one, please.
Jordan is a hottie! There’s nothing better than a well-fitting pair of jeans. I found my favorite jeans on sale - $30 off the regular price!! I love holiday sales…too bad mine didn’t involve someone like Jordan.
Two comments tonight and they’re both about appearance. I’m not always like this though. I just gotta comment on the “full thighs” thing. There are a number of body configurations that are generally considered attractive. Full thighs and narrow hips are one of them. Plus (speaking only as one happily married person to another here) we now have photographic evidence that says it’s a nice combination on you.
Take care,
figleaf