You lucky dog! You have a stalker… I’ve wanted a stalker for so long…I think it’s good for the ole self of esteem…not like a bunny boiling stalker, but a good healthy stalker…someone who drives by your house a lot and writes you notes about how great you are…I mean who doesn’t want that…I know no one wants a stalker who’s going to let the air out of your tires or anything…see that’s crossing the line…a good stalker though is like having your own personal fan club…who wouldn’t want that!? Crazy people that’s who…I’m sorry was I thinking out loud…what were we talking about…Oh yeah, the coffee shop guy…no I think it’s great that you have options…it’s got to be a good feeling to know that you can just lift right out of your family and plug in somewhere else if things start heading south…
Q, i had a stalker once. she was cute and had bangs. she chewed bubble gum. she wore her hair in a pony tail. she left me red-hearted notes in my locker. she followed me around and hung on my arm and offered to do my homework her name was Melanie - pronounced “May-law-knee.”
it was fun for about a week. then she got on my nerves. i would ignore her, pretend she wasn’t even there in the hall. and all that did was make her want me more. i told her to go away and never talk to me again. she stalked me harder. i made out with Rachel right in front of Melanie, and that just made Melanie reach out and hug me to her bosom one evening after tennis practice.
a stalker’s good and all, but there’s something about that smorgasbord just be presented for the taking that makes me feel full and looking for another dessert.
Sounds like Sally stalk’n Linus in the Peanuts… Also It sounds like you missed an excellent chance at the ever elusive threesome….A Rachel and May-law-knee sandwich sounds like it was an option on that one faithful day after tennis practice…
If you’re lucky you can find a stalker that makes you mixed tapes, so you can get some music out of it…
I hear what you’re saying Ash about the smorgasbord and all…however I bet the attention was nice and having something to fall back on is always comfroting…
We’ve all done things that were stalkerish in our lives, as long as you don’t cross the line your good…
I dated a guy once who had particular nightly rituals such as checking all of the windows to make sure that they were locked, heavy curtains, excessive door locks. I later found out that he once had a female stalker who had somehow climbed up to the second story window of his house, which was unlocked. He awoke with her in his room….many years later and many counseling sessions later….I find myself dating someone who can’t sleep at night unless every last inch of the house is secure.
Credibility. My ex-boss’s ex-girlfriend decided to take a shine to me. It was during my mid-crazy years and we all drank too much. Anyway, the ex-boss went his way and all of a sudden I’m getting a lot of attention from his ex-girlfriend. This lady is very pretty, but very tall, over six feet when she is wearing heels. She had put on a few pounds over the years but still was very attractive, just intimidating by her size. Add red hair and you’ve got the picture. During a few short weeks she called, she wrote notes, and she came and banged on the door to my apartment begging me to let her in. It turned out that it was kind of cool because I gained some street-cred with the local gents living in the building. I had lots of admiring smiles and greeting from guys who used to just rush past with a nod.
See a positive stalker story…you only hear about the bad stalkers…it’s the good stalkers that get a bum rap and fall through the cracks…On a side note it sounds to me like your ex bosses-exgirlfriend is a man…I don’t want to jump to conclusions or anything, but did you do an adams apple check…how big were hands…
Alright, now we’re telling stalker stories. Mine? After unceremoniously dumping my boyfriend and leaving for graduate school in the same week, the ex would call and leave nasty, supposedly anonymous, but threatening messages on my answering machine. This was before the days of caller id or digital voicemail. After several days of this, I saved a few of the messages on tape and called the cops, who came out, copied the tape, and sent it to their colleagues in the town where my ex lived. I imagine he received a rather uncomfortable police visit, because the calls stopped. Clearly, dating him was one of my better judgment calls.
Truth is Q. I know for sure that she’s a she. I’m weak, I’ll admit it. One night I was sitting at Charley’s and in walks the Redhead. She slid in beside me at the bar and says, “Hi, big boy.” I’m just a fool for flattery and three sheets to the wind so I said, “Cara mia.” (I had been watching too much TV that year.) Well one thing led to another and I found out that very night that big girls are fun too.
It certainly didn’t help the stalking situation though.
Sister, you have made it. Right up there with Rose Qualey on the marquee sign. Just exactly what does he mean by percolate??? When i looked it up i came up with these 2 definitions that fit: “to gain or regain energy” or “to pass through”. Which do you suppose he meant?
Sweet Greg, no need to come camp out on my doorstep with your big gun and your mace. Check out atom.smasher.org. For some reason, there are a bunch of Asheville signs on the site.
Welcome, Marcus.
And Madwriter, I’ve missed you. I need to get my heinie over to visit your site!
Hey Ash’s dad you no what they say about “big girls” and mopeds right? Sure they’re fun…but you don’t want your friends to see you riding one… I may not look it EM, but I can kick a little ass too… Oh yeah! I’m no stranger to the weight room… However, my real strength is ridiculing someone till they cry…nobody messes with family… Didn’t you see Next Of Kin, staring Patrick Swayze! Patrick Swayze…he’s ever so dreamy…I wish i looked like Patrick Swayze…Actually if I’m getting to make wishes I wish i looked like Brad Pitt…Oh Yeah!!! Things would be different then! The Urban Cougars would be all over the Quin-Quin Man…I’d never have to work again I’d have like 10 Sugar Mama’s!!!…I’d wear a fur coat have a cain and drive a BMW…paid for with my buff body and dignity…you may not realize this but I have no shame..what were talking about, my A.D.D kicked in…Ah, that’s right…ya mess with my family…I’ll make you cry…that and I’m a slut…that’s what one should take away from this post.
And Quin, thanks. When are coming up to Asheville? Why don’t you drive up here tonight for the Blogger Costume Ball and Beer Guzzler? After all, you have quite the fan club here now. I know, you want cute single chicks. I don’t know many, but there are tons in A’ville. How do you feel about hippie chicks?
I’m not down with the hippie scene, to honest with you… I appreciate the finer things in life…like showers and shaved legs…also the hacky sack and i are mortal enemy’s…But I appreciate the invite…I love the attention…I a bit of an attention whore actually…it’s a cross i’ll have to bare…however if I ever need to flee the state, I’ll be heading your way! Actually if i have to flee the state, I’m probably just going to go ahead and flee the country…Italy is at the top of list! But I’ll tell people I’m head for A-Ville to throw them off my track…Oops I’ve said to much!!!
first, Dad - how to say this kindly: too too much information. you’re freakin’ me out.
second, Q: you need to be down with hippie chicks. obviously, you’ve never played “hide the hackey sack” - you don’t know the fun your missing.
they don’t shower, so they don’t care if you don’t shower. they eat veggies and have gas, so it’s ok for you to have gas; they will get nekkid at the drop of a sun ray;
they are politically aware, which gives you all kinds of excuses for some lovin - you can do it to get back at Bush; you can do it to celebrate Earth Day; you can do it because oil is $100 a barrell; on and on.
LOL I’m glad it’s shopped - I was going to tell you I know who programs that sign, and we could easily track the guy down but you obviously have a posse ready to defend you anyway!
Okay, Ash. Get your dirty little fingers out of my blog, funny guy.
This is too funny. Where else?
You guys are all too funny. Have you checked the “value” of your blog lately, AF? Hoss will explain it to you tomorrow I think…
Not as classy as a massage in a bottle, but very effective.
B
After the giggle this gave me, I feel slightly less guilty about blogging rather than studying.
I do love me some persistence….
Jeez, that’s just plain ole cute.
My god, that is priceless.
Thanks, Ash!
You lucky dog! You have a stalker…
I’ve wanted a stalker for so long…I think it’s
good for the ole self of esteem…not like a bunny boiling
stalker, but a good healthy stalker…someone who drives by your house a lot and writes you notes about how great you are…I mean who doesn’t want that…I know no one wants a stalker who’s going to let the air out of your tires or anything…see that’s crossing the line…a good stalker though is like having your own personal fan club…who wouldn’t want that!? Crazy people that’s who…I’m sorry was I thinking out loud…what were we talking about…Oh yeah, the coffee shop guy…no I think it’s great that you have options…it’s got to be a good feeling to know that you can just lift right out of your family and plug in somewhere else if things start heading south…
hey, i didn’t do anything. this sign is for real.
Q, i had a stalker once. she was cute and had bangs. she chewed bubble gum. she wore her hair in a pony tail. she left me red-hearted notes in my locker. she followed me around and hung on my arm and offered to do my homework her name was Melanie - pronounced “May-law-knee.”
it was fun for about a week. then she got on my nerves. i would ignore her, pretend she wasn’t even there in the hall. and all that did was make her want me more. i told her to go away and never talk to me again. she stalked me harder. i made out with Rachel right in front of Melanie, and that just made Melanie reach out and hug me to her bosom one evening after tennis practice.
a stalker’s good and all, but there’s something about that smorgasbord just be presented for the taking that makes me feel full and looking for another dessert.
o. i forgot to mention this was in high school. has stalking changed?
In the midst of this very busy day, I really needed a good laugh!!
Sounds like Sally stalk’n Linus in the Peanuts…
Also It sounds like you missed an excellent chance
at the ever elusive threesome….A Rachel and
May-law-knee sandwich sounds like it was an option on that one faithful day after tennis practice…
If you’re lucky you can find a stalker that makes you mixed
tapes, so you can get some music out of it…
I hear what you’re saying Ash about the smorgasbord and all…however I bet the attention was nice and having
something to fall back on is always comfroting…
We’ve all done things that were stalkerish in our lives,
as long as you don’t cross the line your good…
I dated a guy once who had particular nightly rituals such as checking all of the windows to make sure that they were locked, heavy curtains, excessive door locks. I later found out that he once had a female stalker who had somehow climbed up to the second story window of his house, which was unlocked. He awoke with her in his room….many years later and many counseling sessions later….I find myself dating someone who can’t sleep at night unless every last inch of the house is secure.
Credibility.
My ex-boss’s ex-girlfriend decided to take a shine to me. It was during my mid-crazy years and we all drank too much. Anyway, the ex-boss went his way and all of a sudden I’m getting a lot of attention from his ex-girlfriend. This lady is very pretty, but very tall, over six feet when she is wearing heels. She had put on a few pounds over the years but still was very attractive, just intimidating by her size. Add red hair and you’ve got the picture. During a few short weeks she called, she wrote notes, and she came and banged on the door to my apartment begging me to let her in. It turned out that it was kind of cool because I gained some street-cred with the local gents living in the building. I had lots of admiring smiles and greeting from guys who used to just rush past with a nod.
Very impressive. And just think… you owe it all to me! Who else stayed on your back about writting? MOI!
See a positive stalker story…you only hear
about the bad stalkers…it’s the good stalkers
that get a bum rap and fall through the cracks…On a side note it sounds to me like your ex bosses-exgirlfriend
is a man…I don’t want to jump to conclusions or anything,
but did you do an adams apple check…how big were hands…
Alright, now we’re telling stalker stories. Mine? After unceremoniously dumping my boyfriend and leaving for graduate school in the same week, the ex would call and leave nasty, supposedly anonymous, but threatening messages on my answering machine. This was before the days of caller id or digital voicemail. After several days of this, I saved a few of the messages on tape and called the cops, who came out, copied the tape, and sent it to their colleagues in the town where my ex lived. I imagine he received a rather uncomfortable police visit, because the calls stopped. Clearly, dating him was one of my better judgment calls.
See, this is a good example of bad stalking…
I hope the police beat’em like he stole something…
By the way, good work on the sting operation!
Truth is Q. I know for sure that she’s a she. I’m weak, I’ll admit it. One night I was sitting at Charley’s and in walks the Redhead. She slid in beside me at the bar and says, “Hi, big boy.” I’m just a fool for flattery and three sheets to the wind so I said, “Cara mia.” (I had been watching too much TV that year.) Well one thing led to another and I found out that very night that big girls are fun too.
It certainly didn’t help the stalking situation though.
This one is CLASSIC - “percolate with me!” whoever came up with this is a riot!
OK EM… You gotta break it out for some of your slower readers (me). Are these real or photoshopped? Is this a joke or is some one really after you?
It’s funny either way.
If you photoshopped it that falls under “ha ha look at how Edgy fooled me.”
If it’s real if falls under, “ha ha, now I need to get a gun and some mace.”
Keep laughing, I’m reloading!
Sister, you have made it. Right up there with Rose Qualey on the marquee sign. Just exactly what does he mean by percolate??? When i looked it up i came up with these 2 definitions that fit: “to gain or regain energy” or “to pass through”. Which do you suppose he meant?
Maybe I should take down all the signs I put up around Ferrum…;)
Madwriter
More Shakespere. Don’t protest too much. You are doing a good job of keeping everyone entertained. Keep up the good work.
I do enjoy your blog. You write well and at 40 it would appear you are becoming even more interesting.
Sweet Greg, no need to come camp out on my doorstep with your big gun and your mace. Check out atom.smasher.org. For some reason, there are a bunch of Asheville signs on the site.
Welcome, Marcus.
And Madwriter, I’ve missed you. I need to get my heinie over to visit your site!
Yes, dear Libs, I owe it all to you.
AD, so what happened next?
Hey, AF! If you need to get rid of a stalker, or at least the damning evidence that he once existed, you KNOW I have skills in this department.
Or I could just have a friendly conversation with him about unpleasant ways to die.
I wouldn’t do anything too rash, just a polite, friendly little come-to-Jesus. It’d change his life forever. Hehehehe.
Oh Chad, don’t I know it. You, my friend, are a stalker’s worst nightmare–a man licensed to use force with a vivid imagination.
No need for you and Greg to take a road trip down here–yet.
Hey Ash’s dad you no what they say about “big girls”
and mopeds right?
Sure they’re fun…but you don’t want
your friends to see you riding one…
I may not look it EM, but I can kick a little ass too…
Oh yeah! I’m no stranger to the weight room…
However, my real strength is ridiculing someone
till they cry…nobody messes with family…
Didn’t you see Next Of Kin, staring Patrick Swayze!
Patrick Swayze…he’s ever so dreamy…I wish i looked like Patrick Swayze…Actually if I’m getting to make wishes I wish i looked like Brad Pitt…Oh Yeah!!! Things would be different then! The Urban Cougars would be all over the Quin-Quin Man…I’d never have to work again I’d have like 10 Sugar Mama’s!!!…I’d wear a fur coat have a cain and drive a BMW…paid for with my buff body and dignity…you may not realize this but I have no shame..what were talking about, my A.D.D kicked in…Ah, that’s right…ya mess with my family…I’ll make you cry…that and I’m a slut…that’s what one should take away from this post.
Mental note: Don’t do anything to piss off an Edgy reader.
Yeah, Tea, you don’t mess with the Glenn mafia. Oh, and don’t let Ash into your blog, either. Although he’s fun!
And Quin, thanks. When are coming up to Asheville? Why don’t you drive up here tonight for the Blogger Costume Ball and Beer Guzzler? After all, you have quite the fan club here now. I know, you want cute single chicks. I don’t know many, but there are tons in A’ville. How do you feel about hippie chicks?
Adams Apple Check?
Heheheh.
I’m not down with the hippie scene, to honest with you…
I appreciate the finer things in life…like showers and shaved legs…also the hacky sack and i are mortal enemy’s…But I appreciate the invite…I love the attention…I a bit of an attention whore actually…it’s a cross i’ll have to bare…however if I ever need to flee the state, I’ll be heading your way!
Actually if i have to flee the state, I’m probably just going to go ahead and flee the country…Italy is at the top of list!
But I’ll tell people I’m head for A-Ville to throw them off my
track…Oops I’ve said to much!!!
first, Dad - how to say this kindly: too too much information. you’re freakin’ me out.
second, Q: you need to be down with hippie chicks. obviously, you’ve never played “hide the hackey sack” - you don’t know the fun your missing.
they don’t shower, so they don’t care if you don’t shower. they eat veggies and have gas, so it’s ok for you to have gas; they will get nekkid at the drop of a sun ray;
they are politically aware, which gives you all kinds of excuses for some lovin - you can do it to get back at Bush; you can do it to celebrate Earth Day; you can do it because oil is $100 a barrell; on and on.
totally go for the hippie chicks.
“Hide the Hackey Sack”…
I’m having a Silence Of The Lambs flashback!
Thanks for that image…”it puts the lotion on its body…”
yikes!
LOL I’m glad it’s shopped - I was going to tell you I know who programs that sign, and we could easily track the guy down
but you obviously have a posse ready to defend you anyway!