Ash here. Time to get my guesting on, so let me start by giving all you Edgy readers an exclusive, behind-the-scenes look at the EM bloghouse.
Like MTV’s Cribs, we want to know how our local celebrities live. We want inside every nook and cranny because, well, George Clooney let us inside his jaw-dropping Italian villa, so why can’t we get a peek inside Edgy Mama’s posh Ashvegas bloghouse? It’s the price you pay for our loyalty, EM.
So without further ado, let me open the door. C’mon in…
(entering bloghouse) Hmmmm. Living room seems nice enough. But lots of stray words and phrases blowing around on the floor. Sheafs of undone enneagram homework strewn about. Dirty laundry piled in the corner. Clearly not one for drudgery, this one. Tons of books. Oh, hey, there’s Peter Pan. (walking over to pick up book)
Ouch! $&#*%(!
Great. Just what I need - a half dozen Lego puncture wounds. Guess it’s part of that whole “crunchy” thing to reduce the draw on the local power grid by not running the vacuum, and to save water by wearing the same stank clothes for a week straight.
(sitting down on couch to tweeze out toys) A soft enough divan, but it looks kinda nasty. I don’t even need my blacklight to tell you that. And there’s a faint smell of cat pee in here. Houdini, you devil.
(moving on to kitchen) Very nice. Lots of gleaming surfaces. No dirty dishes. Makes sense, right? Not much cooking going on here. (Opening fridge) OK, we’ve got some Juicy Juice, leftover meatballs from last week’s Greek Fest, sprouts, Green Life deli hummus, a bottle of Chimay. And chocolate - cake, bon bons, ice cream, cookies. Sheesh.
Martha Stewart, she’s not.
(Popping into the bedroom) Figures. Canopy bed. Pillows upon heart-shaped pillows. A stuffed Teddy and panda. Poster of Viggo on the ceiling. Yeah, I said ceiling. About 36 pair of those Southern belle slipper shoes the debs down in Atlanta like to wear with their track suits. So much for the tomboy persona. (peeking into the dresser) This is interesting. A leather bustier. Latex gloves. Fishnet pantyhose. I think I’m getting the hell outta here.
And this? What’s this??? Aha! The porn stash. “Shaving Ryan’s Privates.” “Moulin Splooge.” “Porn and Paradise: An environmentalist’s guide on how to make love in the grass and not harm another living entity.” Eww. (dropping videos, squirting anti-bacterial soap on hands and wringing) Frankly, we expected a little more of you, EM.
Well folks, there you have it. Your peek inside the Edgy Mama bloghouse. Now you know.
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This was a blog post, I will let that last blog post about wi-fi slide for the time being.
Can we play “Pimp My Blog” next?
What was the wi-fi post?
Alright, Ash, you’re having too much fun here…
Libs and Woze couldn’t have done much better…oh, how much I reveal to you, my lovely blog buddies.
And if I had a canopy bed, how could I see the poster of Viggo on the ceiling?
shoot, EM. Good point. Need to re-imagine. Guess it’s stuck inside the canopy or something. You WOULD have to notice something like a pertinent detail…
Ash, if you had looked in EM’s photoalbums you would have found photos of envirospouse in the nude doing household chores. Woze and I are going to have to teach you to be a better snoop.
Libs, do you need to tell all our secrets? Sheesh.
Wow was I disappointed to find out this was a hoax! I got the old bait and switch with the piles of chocolate and medieval wench overtones. Both of which I’m a sucker for.