(Ash, inside the Edgy Mama bloghouse, grabs a granola bar off the kitchen table and rushes over to print out the latest spreadsheets on EM blog traffic, comments and Blog-o-love meter)
Alrighty, then. This should be good. So far, I’ve posted a little satire that’s good for the soul, a nice photo and thoughtful literary piece. Can’t go wrong. Yeah, I’m good.
(Reading printouts, Ash goes ashen. Blog traffic at a new low. Comments, new low. Blog-o-love meter needle stuck on E)
What? Huh, huh, how can this be??? (Ash buries face in clasped hands, sobs) Wha -What’s happening!? Don’t people understand my gee-gee-genius?!? WAKE UP out there, sheeple!!! (hysterical, Ash kicks cat and throws rest of granola at stereo, scattering EM’s Dar Williams cd collection)
No quips from T or Hoss or Chels. All Eddo says is, “This is a blog post…” I, I, I, I’m a failure. (Ash wipes globby snot on EM’s divan, dabs eyes with unlaundered boosh T-shirt)
OK. OK. Get it together man. (Grabbing oval beauty mirror from EM’s bureau, Ash steels himself, then brings it up to his face) OK. I’m going to do this. I’m going to win them over. No matter what it takes. (big sigh)
Because I’m good enough.
Because I’m strong enough.
And doggone it - people like me.
(Ash grabs tux jacket, straightens cummerbund and dashes out to the Blog Ball and Fall Cotillion)
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Old Dad still loves ya son. Maybe Hoss is just on an extended pee break. (Trust me Hoss I can relate.) Ya gotta give EM’s peeps a little time to adjust.
Lots of love gonna happen at the Blog Ball. Have fun. Have a cool one and give her hell tomorrow.
You are one silly goose, AF. Silly, silly, silly. I LOVE your blog and for that matter, I probably love you, too. It’s been a dreadfully slow week in the neighborhood- my stats are down, also. What’s worse, one of my clients- who I think I know reads my blog, de-lurked for someone on my blogroll but never says squat to me. Sigh.
Stick with that self-help mantra you got going.
Moi? I believe I will blog while under the influence tonight- for the first time ever. I’m already one sheet gone. Think how much I’ll love you in another sheet.
Great. Just great. So now that I’ve gone back and played catch up I realize it’s not even AF I’m talking to but a total stranger. Bring AF back so I can drool love all over her. In the meantime, the Tom Wolfe post is good. Good photo (better than AF- she’s low on photo score). Could you make a copy of that “Porn and Paradise” video, quick, before she returns?
You’re a good guest blogger, Ash. Really.
And I’m not just saying that because I’m drinking champagne and eating the carmel apple carmel with a spoon. You are.
Dad, ‘preciate that, bruther. Sometimes you just gotta let go, know what i mean?
Vicki: great. i’m being comforted by a sot.
no, no. it’s ok. really. I thank you. Stuart Smalley thanks you. EM’s copy of “Edward Penishands” I’m putting in the mail to you right now.
(sigh.)
Ash, get out of my porn!
Also, the couch is already snot-saturated. I’m expecting a full house cleaning before tomorrow night!
Vicki, love you too!
AD, I have a story for you. But you’ll have to wait.
I’m off to Family Breakfast. Keep up the great work, Ash.
EM, I’ll be waiting.
we love you, ash, hold tight to the wheel!