Edgy Mama

I don’t know how you do it–all the time, day in and day out, for years on end. I consider myself a part-time single parent, because in order for us to live where we want to live and for Enviro-spouse to do what he loves to do, he has to travel a good bit.

This week he’s at the System Dynamics Conference in Boston. People often ask me what E-spouse does for a living, and then look blankly at me when I say, “He’s a System Dynamicist.” Suffice it to say, he builds humongously intricate computer models of systems (environmental, public health) and then uses them to examine and project trends and to teach people where and how to modify said systems for the best leverage. I think. There aren’t many System Dynamicists in the world, and almost all of them are at the conference this week (if you’re really intrigued, you can visit SI’s homepage or the SD page).

So, while E-spouse is sitting around talking about causal diagrams and reinforcing loops and doing calculus equations on bar napkins, I’m home with our two beautiful and feisty kids. Which, as those of you who have kids know, can be both the height of fun and the depth of despair. Here are two beings with the brain power of a blue whale, but the reasoning ability of a chihuahua, combined with the energy level of a chimpanzee and the self-control of a raccoon. Did I mention that I have two undergraduate degrees and one graduate–none of which has prepared me in any way for raising children?

On an E-spouse non-travel day, I think I handle the chaos fairly well for the rational, organized person that I am. By 5:30 p.m., when I am about to collapse into a frazzled heap, E-spouse comes to the rescue, dragging the kids outside while I resume breathing. When he’s away, I’m often reduced to grabbing a beer and turning on a video for the kids so I can make it through what some idiot deemed “Happy Hour.” As most parents know, from 5:00-6:00 p.m. is “Hell Hour.” Tired, hungry, cranky kids with the above mammalian traits are definitely NOT happy at this time of day.

Then I start feeling guilty because I know the kids are surpassing their one allowable hour of video per day, so I prepare dinner as quickly as possible and try to engage in some “what was the best part of your day” discussion around the dinner table. Then it’s a walk or games until bath and bedtime. I’m not even going to go in the paroxysms of pleading, debate, and whining that the big B & B induce–for both me and the kids.

By 9:00 p.m., as I’m cleaning the kitchen, I realize that I have yet to eat, as both my kids are ultra picky eaters, and I typically don’t want to eat peanut butter, cheese, and green peas for dinner. But I’m too tired to care. This, I think, is why single parents are so thin. But does that make it worth it? No. Does having feisty but healthy, cranky but smart, messy but beautiful kids make it worth it? YES. I think.