Edgy Mama

Last night, as enviro-spouse and I were putting the kids to bed, Scout managed to knock my chocolate birthday cake off of the high part of the counter. In what I can only imagine was a frenzy of dog-lust, he scarfed down the remaining half of the cake, including the red-tinted Saran Wrap in which it was wrapped.

I remembered hearing that chocolate can poison dogs, so I called my across the street neighbor, Nancy, who knows a lot about animals. She said, “Well, my sister-in-law’s dog once ate an oversized Hershey bar and didn’t die, but let me ask Carl and Miriam.” Turns out some friends, who know even more about dogs, are at their house.

I get instructions as to what to do. My reply is, “Are you serious?” Unfortunately, they were.

So I take Scout out onto the front porch, tie him to a rocking chair, and using a child’s medicine syringe, squirt about three teaspoons of hydrogen peroxide down his throat. Then I leave him for a few minutes to check the Internet for further information. The most relevant bit of knowledge I gain is, “If a 50 pound dog eats a teaspoonfull of milk chocolate, he’ll probably be okay. If the same dog gorges himself on a two-layer chocolate cake, he could become very ill and even die.”

I run to the front porch to check on Scout. Luckily, the hydrogen peroxide has worked its magic, producing a HUGE pile of vomit from the poor beast. I can’t imagine that any creature smaller than an elephant has a stomach that can hold this much…stuff. In the vomit is the red Saran Wrap and the strap from one of eco-spouse’s Chaco sandals–in addition to one and a half cups of dog food and half of a two-layer chocolate cake with chocolate mint frosting.

Today, the dog is fine. No sypmtoms of theobrimine poisoning as far as I can tell. And today, I’m feeling even more that sending Scout to live on a farm in the country is the right decision.